another loss

Sometimes I think, anyone who loses a child should never have to suffer anything like that again. Why really should they have to suffer anything more? But then I realize, we all will experience loss. We all will have something that influences our lives significantly.

I've been putting it off for a little bit now, because I don't really have time for it; but we found out last week that the baby I was carrying had died. It seems so unreal. Why would anyone have to suffer loss 2x? Really, why? We are moving so I am trying really hard to get to Utah and deal with it there, after all its only 5 days away. I am not sure I can wait anymore. This sucks.

To anyone that has had a miscarriage. I am so sorry. We invest our bodies for a time (usually 40 weeks). We have hope, we have dreams, we remember the excitement. We always will. When the 40 weeks doesn't come, because of a loss, where does that put us. So many people will tell us, hey you can try again. Really though, that is not what we want to hear. Nothing really gives solace to loss, the hope for trying again brings fear of another loss.

I have hope that the next time we try it will be successful, but I really wonder if we will be blessed again. We are very blessed with the 6 children we have. I do know this. I just wish that number 7 was still on the way. This just doesn't seem fair.