"Because life is fragile and death inevitable, we must make the most of each day."
President Thomas S. Monson

Monday, February 16, 2009

A Most Impossible Rainbow...

Yesterday I did my 1st ever 1/2 marathon. If you read this blog all the way through...you know the story about the rainbows that we see and attribute to Amberlee being near.

The night before the marathon...I added some songs that remind me of Amberlee, and I thought to myself how much I wanted her to be with me for my marathon...and how much I wanted her to see my success.

When we started the marathon we were just strolling along and I looked toward the sky. There was no rain, and only a light mist of clouds that were very far and very high up. I looked several times, kind of in shock...and then asked my friends "Do you see a Rainbow over there?" They looked and said, Yes. Well, like I said, there was absolutely nothing to cause a rainbow...but there definitely was a rainbow.

Sometimes I find these signs hard to believe. Really, I am more of a realist in life and I don't like to make something out of nothing. This one is hard to argue though. How can a most impossible rainbow happen, in circumstances that are scientifically proven not to cause rainbows? Maybe there is another way to create one...but I am pretty sure you have to have the light source behind you (the sun was in front of me), and you also have to have water on the opposite side of you, opposite from the light source (ummm...yeah...no water).

I am officially declaring this rainbow as a gift/blessing from Amberlee, or someone else that can create them. Someone who knew just how much I needed to see a Rainbow on such a significant day in my life. This truly was a GIFT in every way.

As always...thanks for listening.

Monday, February 9, 2009

The Approach...

I remember last year...as we were approaching Amberlee's birthday. I was so very scared about what I would feel that day. I remember my friends, at her party, patting me on the should, and saying I am sorry. The days and weeks leading up to her birthday were a nightmare. The unknown is never fun, and this was the least fun of all.

But then her birthday came. It was a beautiful day in every way. Every detail came out perfectly, and I was happy. I remembered the joy that I felt being pregnant with Amberlee. I remember the perfect natural delivery, and how sweet her little face was during my hospital stay. This day of all days, was a blessing for me. It is wonderful when I get a chance to remember the good, and not be drawn down by the bad.

Well here we are again. Approaching Amberlee's 2nd Birthday. Can you believe she would be 2? I can't, I am amazed at how time seems to steal away those memories I would have. I am amazed at how old she is, and how young she seems in pictures. At the same time, I feel she is so much older and wiser than even I am, because she is done with the trials of this unrelenting earth.

We are going to celebrate her birthday this year. When I think about it, why wouldn't I. It was a wonderful day for a wonderful little spirit. As time goes by, I feel that Amberlee becomes a bit of a stranger to me. I am forgetting who she was. This is, like many things are after losing a child, both a blessing and a curse for me. If I don't consistently remember and dwell, then I can move forward in my life until the day I can be with her again. I just wish, that for days like these that I could remember a little bit more. As usual, I am sure some blessing will come my way, and help me even more on that day. But as for now, I am sitting worrying, and wondering how it will be. Will the day once again be amazing?

If you have any ideas for what we can do, please share them in the comments. AS of now, I have only thought of cupcakes, in rainbow colors, with the #2 written on them. Feel free to share anything you come up with, just remember we are being frugal for 2009. =)

Thank for loving me, and listening.