Tonight I begin my journey into the month that will mark 1 year since my baby left this world. I am scared for what I will feel as I approach the end of the month. I am afraid of what I will remember. I worry that this truly will be more difficult than it was for me last year. I am already beginning to feel it no matter how hard I try to dismiss my emotions. I truly wish I could Skip June…for the rest of my life.
My visiting teacher, Ruth, dropped off flowers tonight when I wasn’t home. I cannot even begin to say how much that sentiment means to me. The flowers are purple which is significant for several reasons...purple is the color used to teach about prevention of child injuries around cars...purple is the color that looked best on Amberlee...and lets face it, purple is just cool.
She wrote a simple note, You are loved. I think that that phrase is a beautiful beginning to the nightmare I must face. Flowers are a symbol of life, and happiness, and I never appreciated them until this year. These flowers, and the sweet sentiment she shared, give me a little bit of strength to move forward. I need to feel that I am loved. It never ceases to amaze me that I look at this world with completely different eyes than I did before I experienced tragedy in my own life. Imagine if we all told each other in those simple words…You are loved. There is strength in that phrase that can allow a person to move forward even when it seems impossible.
I miss you Amberlee, You Are Loved!!!