"Because life is fragile and death inevitable, we must make the most of each day."
President Thomas S. Monson

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Monumental Momentum

Did you like the alliteration in my title? My English teachers would be very impressed. Try saying that 10 times fast.

So I went to the gym today...deep breath. I know you might not think that that is a major feat, but it was. Driving to the gym I started crying, and I had to try hard to stop before I got there and everyone thought I looked like a fool. The last time I went to the gym was the day Amberlee got hurt. I went to the same gym today, and as luck would have it...the spot that was open was the one facing the spot I parked in on that day. Poetry in life I guess, I was facing the exact circumstances of the tragedy head on.

After I was done working out, I got in the car, and of course it hit me right then. Immense heat, right in my face! Honestly, car heat is very difficult to deal with these days, and right after I worked out...this felt like Hell. I bet if I looked up the temperature for today it would be a high of 108 just like that day. (Update: it was exactly 108 this day!)

Many people tell me to move on, to focus on the positive. So that is what I did when faced with these harsh circumstances that seemed like a mirror image of the day leading to the worst day of my life. To combat the heat I opened the windows and I blared the radio. Then I turned the AC on full blast....cured...instantly I was taken back to when I was 19 years old (and sexy btw) and life was free and easy for the most part.

Maybe this is avoiding the problem, but the one counsellor I talked to said she was going to try to trick my brain into remember good things instead of the trauma, and that is what I did on my own (subtract the $100 per hour fee). I know that every time it will get easier, as these things tend to do. I just wish I didn't feel like I was in a nightmare whenever circumstances bring me back to those two horrible days.

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