Every Parent's Biggest Fear

Before Amberlee passed away, I would get those forwards that would ask a million questions about you and then you forward it to your friends. There is one question that always got/gets the same answer. What is your biggest fear? I always answer, that one of my children will die before me. I believe that every person fears this same fear, and many people believe that they could not go on if they ever lost a child, especially at a young age. It is extremely difficult to go on. There are many dynamics to this tragedy that are hard to explain, especially within marriage. Previously I thought that people got divorced after the loss of a child because they gave up and could not handle it. That is not what happens, or rather the answer is not that simple.

Losing a child changes a person in a deep way. Imagine being married to a person and all of sudden, both you and that person change dramatically. It is like being re-married to the same person, only that person doesn't respond to you in the same way all of a sudden. Its a struggle to be married anyway, but when you add that aspect it makes it so much more difficult. All those years of working together to improve behaviors and make the marriage work are simply erased.
Furthermore, the sadness we feel took over so competely that we had nothing to give to anyone else. I can only imagine that if we did not have a support system of people loving us and guiding us back onto the path of life, we would not have made it this far. To dwell on the tragedy can only bring more pain, however, it is impossible to ignore it, and we should not ignore it. It is part of who we are, it defines us in a way.

However, life goes on, and we have to move on to the happier days to survive. As I am saying this I am thinking to myself, I will, but just let me get past the 1st year.