"Because life is fragile and death inevitable, we must make the most of each day."
President Thomas S. Monson

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Tragedy Strikes

I was still busy working on the computer and when Kyle came home he helped. I actually have a memory of him carrying Amberlee to just behind the pony wall and setting her car seat down with her asleep in it. Even though I know that didn't happen, I have that memory?? WEIRD

We tried to plan a trip to Illinios, which never seemed to work out, and then Kyle went to get ready for work. I went to find Amberlee to feed her.
I looked everywhere, and my heart sunk as I realized what might be. Kyle Where's Amberlee? I asked over and over. He didn't seem to hear me, and then I said you took her with you to your mom's, she went with you, is she still in the car? and then it sunk completely...Kyle realized where she was and he said get the keys...the next few days are a blur really.
I remember calling 911. I remember seeing her there purple, OH she was so hot to touch. She was breathing though, and I just didn't know what that meant. I wanted it to mean she was ok, but it didn't. We kept changing cool cloths and we kept putting them all over her, and her color did return, but her pupils were like pinpricks, and that never changed. Her mouth was releasing some strange mucous that I cleaned out, but it kept coming. And she moaned this horrible moan over and over again.
We were experiencing everybody's worst nightmare, in slow motion.
The emergency crew arrived and began to work on her, and they would not talk to me. They wanted me to continue holding her. Had I known that that was the last time I would be able to hold her without tubes and medical supplies, I would have done it and not been so selfish. It was just so hard for me to see her like that. My precious baby, filled with life that morning, and now struggling for life in a way that she never should have had to. I asked if they thought she would be ok, and they said they didn't know. I could see it in their faces though. Sometimes a person doesn't have to answer with words.

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