"Because life is fragile and death inevitable, we must make the most of each day."
President Thomas S. Monson

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Jay the Phoenix Real Estate Guy

There is a blog by the Phoenix Real Estate Guy. He made some comments right after Amberlee died, and everyone on the blog followed suit. It got pretty deep seated in hatred. Well I tried to talk to Jay, the Phoenix Real Estate Guy, and eventually it got through. People were so mean, and causing so much trauma to Kyle and I, he shut down the posting, after I posted a rather strong comment against the haters.

Today I got an e-mail in my inbox. It was from that blog again. So often I fear opening these because I never know if the comment is filled with hate or love. This one was filled with love, from somebody that has lost a family member the same way. Her letter follows:

My nephew died the same way. On August 13 2008. He was 3 years old. My mom forgot him in the car. She never took him to daycare before, but this day was different. People hate us. But you know what... Really, we are ok with that. I'd much rather have everyone hate us than to EVER know what it is that we are going through. I cannot get mad or upset with any of them. But you know what... It really hurts to get online and read the blogs of others, those who talk about something that they dont even know about. They say "That grandmother was on drugs" or "I bet she didnt forget her smokes"... To tell you the truth, it could happen to anyone. My mom does not smoke, drink, do any type of drug and she's the kind of person who wont even move the car unless I am buckled in and I'm 21. She is by far the most caring person in the world. She has given everything to everyone. And she still gives. ..

To the family of Amberlee, I am so sorry and I can relate to what you are going through. I remember when I first heard about your story... I judged ya'll. Wrongly, I know that now. How I wish I didnt. But I know now. I'm sorry.

For someone who takes even the best care of their child has the ability to forget. And also... Find a way to make sure you dont forget... I know that there are those out there who say... I know I wont... You know what... Maybe you wont, but does it hurt to have a back up plan?They now have this thing that you put in the baby seat that sends out an alarm to your keychain if there is weight in the seat and you walk away. It could very well save your childs life.

As for us, my family... We are working hard to make sure that this slows. Our goal is to keep kids from dying in car related accidents. Now there are things that we cannot help, but for everything else, we plan to do whatever we can to get the word out. FOR EVERYONE. Even if we save just ONE child, we will have accomplished something. Please everyone Love your babies. And take the time to REMEMBER. And know, Accidents happen... Plan for accidents. Catch them before you make them.

Thank you Nancy, for sending usgood thoughts. I agree with you. I would rather people hate me than to have to go through what I am going through. Ultimately though, I wish they would understand more than they judge.

Love to all!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

It's Been Awhile...

I know it has been a while since I have written. Most days I feel great, like I am really doing better and on the road to be my new self. Normal, if I can ever call myself that again. I realize more and more that the sense of normalcy may never again exist though. I also realize that this burden will never quite leave. That is ok...I feel it is important to find blessings from tragedy...and I am on my quest to help others that suffer this same fate.

Lately I am taking on more of the household duties. This is something I have been crippled on since Amberlee passed away. Kyle is wonderful, and he helps and picks up where I simply can not, but I feel guilty and want so bad to do better and help more. Mostly I focus on the girls, and their routine, homework, and needs, but lately I am adding dishes, laundry, and cleaning as well. This week I even began exercising in the same way I did when all of thise trauma started.

I know to the naked eye this might not seem like much. Unfortunately it is to me. It brings up memories, flashbacks, and emotions that are hard to swallow. I struggle to move forward day to day, but I know that I have to. I have to do better not only for myself, but for my family. I've eliminated the dwelling on the past aspect, but some things I cannot control.

Lately music is affecting me. A song will come on and I will be drawn to tears by a trigger in the song. Then I will remember her, and think about what she might be doing. I wonder how many people can understand this, if they have never been through such a loss. I wonder how many of my friends and family can understand that every once in awhile it feels like that pain is fresh again.

I honestly think I am doing well. Please don't believe that the negativity of this shows that I am not. I just need a little support to help me on the path right now. But isn't that what life is about. Holding a friend's hand when we know they need it. Helping people be guided toward a brighter tomorrow.

As always, thank you for your thoughts and prayers.