"Because life is fragile and death inevitable, we must make the most of each day."
President Thomas S. Monson

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

What I didn't Expect...

I think one of the most amazing parts of this is that I didn't expect that tragedy would affect my life in the way it did. Obviously we went through some typical emotions. I am a planner though, and I could not plan them out, FRUSTRATING. When my mind wants to cry it cries, when it wants to move on it moves on. Honestly for the greater part of the year Kyle and I did the minimum we could to survive. I like to call it functioning at a minimum capacity. Brush your teeth if you have to, get dressed if you have to. We had an extreme lack of desire to do more. NO initiative.

I remember that at first I clung to the gospel, and then I let it leave. I was so mad that this happened to me. I was so mad that God is supposed to be loving and caring, yet he didn't protect us from tragedy. I remember bearing my testimony that first month and I remember praying about why this had happened. The answer I got was we don't always have to know why. I was never prompted that my baby was all alone and I should go help her, why. Because this is the lords plan, and we don't always know why. That's it, so simple, yet so difficult to bear.

1 comment:

Kimberly said...

Beth, you don't know me. I am a friend of Brittany Blackburn. By chance, I happened to click on your name after seeing it on Brittany's facebook wall.

I have been reading through your blog for the past hour now. Tears just pouring down my face. It has stirred many deep emotions in me.

There is a common theme throughout your blog. It's something that I've asked myself after my brother was killed when he was hit by a car, and when I miscarried. WHY? Why did they have to die, when miracles happen to other families? Why did God not intervene?

I have been reading a wonderful book that has helped me sort those feelings out. It is called Divine Signatures, The Confirming Hand of God by Gerald N. Lund.

He talks about God giving us His Divine Signature to let us know He is there. But, the author also talks about those questions we all have when we lose someone close to us.

Thank you for sharing your sweet Amberlee with me. She has touched my heart, and made me realize just how precious our time on this Earth is.

Kimberly Simkins