What I didn't Expect...

I think one of the most amazing parts of this is that I didn't expect that tragedy would affect my life in the way it did. Obviously we went through some typical emotions. I am a planner though, and I could not plan them out, FRUSTRATING. When my mind wants to cry it cries, when it wants to move on it moves on. Honestly for the greater part of the year Kyle and I did the minimum we could to survive. I like to call it functioning at a minimum capacity. Brush your teeth if you have to, get dressed if you have to. We had an extreme lack of desire to do more. NO initiative.

I remember that at first I clung to the gospel, and then I let it leave. I was so mad that this happened to me. I was so mad that God is supposed to be loving and caring, yet he didn't protect us from tragedy. I remember bearing my testimony that first month and I remember praying about why this had happened. The answer I got was we don't always have to know why. I was never prompted that my baby was all alone and I should go help her, why. Because this is the lords plan, and we don't always know why. That's it, so simple, yet so difficult to bear.