"Because life is fragile and death inevitable, we must make the most of each day."
President Thomas S. Monson

Tuesday, April 14, 2009


I was thinking today about all of the trials we have been through since Amberlee left us. Honestly, our life seems to be operating like we are running backwards down the hill that we have worked for 10 years to climb. Last week I lost it. You know those days when you feel like you are in the 11th hour, and you cannot handle anymore. Well that was me last week. I called a friend, and I am certain she could only understand 1/2 of what I was saying through my sobs and mumbling. Then I prayed really hard, and I mentioned that we are not supposed to be given more than we can handle. Honestly, with everything, I am on the brink of being given more than I can handle. Well my prayers were answered, and the stress of the challenges seem to be lessening. I have also been blessed to realize something amazing.

Every single trial we are faced with in life brings us blessings. They all give us both minor, and major gifts that are meant to make us grow while we are here. In the society we live in it is easy to dwell on the negative. What we've lost, what we don't have, whatever we can find to complain about. I am certainly not an optimist, and I am certainly not the best at not complaining, but...I am trying to realize these blessings and they are there. They are everywhere. I have to be grateful for those things that I do have, and that is the best way for me to make it through. That is the best way I can inspire others to make it through, with my actions. There is a plan that we don't quite understand...but one day we will look back and realize why...and I am certain we will be impressed at the road it took to complete that plan.

I know we have heard the phrase "Count your blessings!" a million times. The depth of the cliche is often shadowed by the fact that it is a cliche and therefore overused and underappreciated. If we truly try to look at the good that comes from each trial...I think that we will honestly see more good than bad. The gifts for succeeding in this life are even bigger...we just need to hold on to the good things not the bad, and we need to do our best to show this to everyone around us. We need to count our blessings, but to live in a way that eminates that we have absorbed this concept.

Amberlee's Birthday was difficult this year. I really miss her. There are songs that come on the radio, and I cry almost instantly. One in particular "It won't be like this for long" by Darius Rucker, hits me really hard. The song is about new parents dealing with the struggles of their newborn daughter. I cry because it feels like Amberlee will be a newborn forever. I look at her picture and Riesse seems older than her. I don't understand how all of this will work out. But then the song says "one day soon that girl is gonna be...all grown up and gone". I truly hope that one day I will get this chance. I pray that I will get to raise her and see her grow up. Obviously, none of knows exactly what happens when this life is through, but I hope that what I feel in my heart is real, will in fact be real. I hope that it won't be like this for long. In church I've learned that time is an earthly construct, I am looking forward to looking back and thinking, wow, that was hard...but really, the challenges didn't last that long. Also, I am looking forward to know without a doubt that the blessings outweighed the challenges.

Thx again for listening.


Lea said...

Hi There,

I just came across your blog and started to have a look around.. hope you don't mind.
You have beautiful, beautiful words for your precious daugther... she is gorgeous, btw.

I look forward to getting to know you better..

Strength to you.

Dickie Data said...

Hi My Friend,
I haven't looked at this Blog since I sat at your house and sobbed for an hour reading this with you close to my side comforting ME! I wish you were here now to comfort me again because I've sat here alone sobbing for another hour and miss Amberlee and you dearly. Having Lily at that same time has always put this situation very close to my heart. I love you Beth. I'm grieving with you tonight. I need to. You're a great Mommy!
All My Love,