MY WISH LIST* I wish you would not be afraid to speak my loved one'sname. They lived and were important and I need to hear their name.
* If I cry and get emotional if we talk about my loved one,I wish you knew that it isn't because you hurt me: the fact thatthey died causes my tears. You have allowed me to cry and Ithank you. Crying and emotional outbursts are healing
* I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. Iwish you wouldn't think that if I have a good cry my grief is allover, or that if I have a bad day I need psychiatric counseling.
* Being Bereaved is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn'tstay away from me.
* I wish you knew all the "crazy" grief reactions that I amhaving are in fact very normal. Depression, anger, fear,hopelessness and a questioning of values and beliefs are to beexpected following a death.
* I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in 6months. The first few years are going to be exceedinglytraumatic for me. As with alcoholics, I will never be "cured" ora "formerly bereaved", but forevermore be recovering from mybereavement.
* I wish you understood the physical reaction to grief. Imay gain weight, lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all,develop a host of illnesses and be accident prone, all of whichare related to my grief.
* Our loved one's birthday, the anniversary of their deathand the holidays can be terrible times for us. I wish you couldtell us that you are thinking of us and them on these days. Andif we get quiet and withdrawn, just know that we are thinkingabout them and don't try to coerce us into being cheerful.
* I wish your wouldn't offer to take me out for a drink, or toa party, this is a temporary crutch and the only way I canget through this grief is to experience it. I have to hurtbefore I can heal.
* I wish you understood that grief changes people. I am notthe same person I was before my beloved died and I will never bethat person again. If you keep waiting for me to "get back to myold self" you will stay frustrated. I am a new creature with newthoughts, dreams, aspirations, values and beliefs. Please try toget to know this different me -- I'm the one who'll be here from now on.
--Author unknown
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