OK...so I know I am dwelling...but I can't let it go so I hope you can all learn from this.
I had a friend tell me (several months ago), that I needed to move on. I realize that in some ways this statement is true. I love this friend of mine a lot, and she has never given me bad advice, but I feel that this was the wrong thing to say. I hope that nobody else ever tells me this...I hope that everyone can learn from this. I am trying everyday, making an effort to move forward, but moving on maybe is impossible. I will always have a hole in my heart. I have bad days, most of the time it is just days. AS you might have noticed I spent a lot of time on my Blogs lately. When I am struggling I stay on the computer as a means to avoid the feelings I have in life. Blogging=Life Frustration. This past 8 days or so has been bad. I haven't cried and maybe that is what needs to happen here. I need someone to cry with though, and I haven't picked anyone yet. I need someone I can scream at, that will undesrtand and say all the right things all the while knowing I am not screaming at them.
I am realizing more and more I cannot force myself to change the emotion that I have. I have to go with it. The more I do this, the more I can get where I need to be. I am sorry but my dear friend, I will not MOVE ON. I cannot ignore the pain that exists in my soul. I hope that you can undertand that and love me and listen to me regardless, as I will continue to love you even though you are wrong.
Beth
PS I will start a list of names on this blog for everyone that tells me to Move On so that the world may scourn you, you have been forewarned (just kidding of course)
PPS If you would like to apply for the position of shoulder to cry on...leave you comment as an application here.
I hope I am showing I do have a sense of humor still, at least at the end.
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