"Because life is fragile and death inevitable, we must make the most of each day."
President Thomas S. Monson

Thursday, June 19, 2008

A Pattern..?

So...I am not going to lie to you...this week is horrible. I feel like every day I sink deeper into despair and the darkness is swallowing me up. I play edifying music...but I can't focus on it...and mostly I just want to escape from life. I want to hide...I want to withdraw. It is so very difficult for me to feel this way and it is even more difficult to share it. I want to be positive...I want to be a helper...but right now I guess is not my time and season.

I am debating whether or not to delete the paragraph above...but I feel that would be untrue to my feelings...and I promised that I would share those feelings so people would know what I am going through. Instead of dwelling on the negative lets talk about a specific blessing.

Tonight was especially bad...my sister...who never comes over mid week...just happened to show up. She knew something was up, as sisters do...and she conveniently visited for a bit. Then she went to get groceries and she was kind enough to pick up dinner for me and the girls. I am so grateful...because honestly I did not want to do anything. Last night Claire brought dinner too.,.do I see a pattern...oh wait..Alicia called and invited me to dinner tomorrow...and Kelli fed me the day before yesterday...Yep! I would say that is definitely a pattern.

I really appreciate it. I am so very blessed to have people helping me out where I need help the most. I am glad to see these people are thinking of us during these last weeks before the anniversary. I wish you all could take just one tiny portion of my pain and we could all bear it together...I know you would if you could...but since you cannot loving me is enough...and I thank you for loving. me.

1 comment:

Lea said...

I am so sorry this week is so hard... it is though. Those "anniversary's" are so very, very hard. I am thinking of you and your sweet Angel.

I also nominated you for a Sisterhood award. Although I just came across you blog, I find it to be such a nice tribute to your daughter.... thank you.