"Because life is fragile and death inevitable, we must make the most of each day."
President Thomas S. Monson

Saturday, June 21, 2008


Our experience with Amberlee's Rainbows started shortly after she passed away. I want to believe that she is sending us the rainbows...so that we can believe she is happy and wants us to be happy. Every road trip & family vaction that we went on this year...there was inevitably a rainbow and sometimes 2. In one instance there wasn't a cloud in the sky and so we wondered if we would get the rainbow we had come to expect...but when we sat down at a table in a restaurant with the Madden Family a glass from the wall reflected right in the middle of the table...and who would have guessed that a rainbow would show in such an uncommon way.

Another remarkable instance was when Kelli had to go to the hospital with her baby...Kaitlynn had been screaming for over a week, non-stop, and Kelli decided something had to be done...but she also needed support. This was one of my biggest challenges this year because she went to none other than Phoenix Children's Hospital...where Amberlee passed away. I knew I wanted to help my friend...but I also knew that it would be difficult to enter the doors of that hospital ever again...because I would have to walk right by the PICU hallway to get to Kelli & Kaitlynn. I prayed for strength the whole drive there...and when I entered the hospital I felt peace. I felt strength and I could feel that I was being held in those hallways (probably by all the tiny spririts that knew what I had endured there).

Well I visited with Kaitlynn and Kelli for a long time...I believe Steve had to throw me out of the room even. About when I decided to leave...Kelli agreed to walk with me to the PICU to thank the Doctors and Nurses that had helped me with Amberlee. On our way there I looked out the window...and I noticed one of the most amazing Rainbows I have ever seen in the Arizona sky. I knew that the peace and comfort that was being given to me was an extra special blessing...and the rainbow was the icing on the cake.

I am unsure of what happens after this life. I do believe that there is a God in Heaven waiting for our safe return though. I believe that he watches over us and provides us with strength and comfort. I know that the Holy Spirit whispered peace to our hearts at the very moment that Amberlee's spirit left her body, and that that same spirit carried us through the entire week and even shortly after we buried our daughter. When I think of what Christ had to endure for us...taking on all the pains of the world...and I consider this one of his pains...it makes me understand how gracious our redeemer was to sacrifice himself and to bear our burdens. I cannot doubt his knowledge of what we are going through...becuase he is able and willing to help us through...and he knows exactly what we need to make it.

I do know that I have felt my daughter visit me...and when she has visited those few times I get the same feelings I had when her spirit was alive and well with me on this earth. The visits are few and far between. I can't say that I wish there were more...because we all have to move on in life. I am grateful for the small gifts I am given...at times when I need strength above and beyond what I can muster on my own. As for understanding why this happened...and how we will ultimately make it though this next week...I know that it is God's will and I find comfort in the only scripture I have ever memorized...

"For behold, this is My Work and My Glory- to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." (Moses 1:39)

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